I’m oh so tired…shhh….shhh

The title of this post was inspired by Björk’s It’s Oh So Quiet song, but in my own words.

You know how October only just started? Well, I looked at the calendar, and we are now booked in for something every weekend until the middle of November.

If you heard that sound, my inner social bar just saw what’s planned, crashed through the floor, and continued down a few levels.

• Originally I had a weekend in October marked as “Do nothing day, book something in and Kel will kill you”, but guess who broke that? Yep, that’s right, this girl. But in my defence, it’s for my niece’s birthday, so I think that’s forgiveable.
• It’s also our 10th wedding anniversary this year. At one point, we talked about organising a big get-together for some drinks and just toasting that we’re still here all this time later. But we’ve done absolutely nothing about organising it. And now that weekend has been booked up.
• I tried to book my next hair appointment, which I have roughly every 8-10 weeks. That put us in the middle of December. The date that the hairdresser picked? Yep, you guessed it. Booked up already.

If you exclude my husband’s cricket games, we only have 5 weekends left this year that don’t have something locked in.

I’m tired.

I know as we get towards the end of the year, everyone starts to feel a little drained. But this is strange. It just feels a bit more…flat. Unmotivated even.

Even my 52 list is making me tired.

I have 16 left to go for the year. The other day I found myself daydreaming about just stopping. Like, what if I didn’t push myself to finish the list this year? The sun will still come up in the morning, and life will still keep going. Beyond saying “well done, you” to myself…what else is there? I’ve done some pretty cool stuff already this year. What if I gave myself a pass to just… stop?

And then the spiral kept going.

What if I didn’t write a list next year? What if I just did things because I wanted to, not because they were on a list somewhere?

I let that wash over me for a bit. Ultimately, I decided that nope, I still want to do my list. I love doing it, and it’s tradition. It’s always fun to come up with some new things every year, and I know I have friends that are always keen to see what’s made the cut.

I don’t know why I pushed myself so hard to get it all done this year. Maybe having a dedicated spot in my planner each week, and constantly thinking about what I had to get done every Sunday night just added to the pressure.

Maybe I’ve just really sucked at resting this year, and I’m just worn out.

So, after putting this all to paper and venting my thoughts here, here are a few changes I want to make:

• No dedicated spot in my weekly plan for my 52 list – not a bad thing, because this week I wrote a massive to-do list of everything we needed to get done before we go on holiday later this month.
• Make next year’s list more “one and done” type activities. None of this stuff that requires hours upon hours in front of the computer, or a giant investment of time.
• Spend more time being tech-free. Lie on the couch, read my book, chat to my hubby, or just snooze. Who knows, who cares? Do whatever my body is telling me to do in the moment.
• Go to freaking bed on time. I slept terribly last night, and just ate a bunch of sugar in an attempt to wake myself up. Stupid idea because the sugar crash is coming. Anyways, the point is, I need to start getting to bed earlier.
• I also need to book in some “me time” with no one else around.

I just realised the irony of saying my list was making me tired, and promptly wrote my solution to the problem in a list.

I really do love my lists, don’t I?

Do you have a busy end of the year planned, or is it just me? How do you cope with the silly season?